Fighting Mad

I was running on the treadmill a couple of weeks ago when I realized how angry I was. It came out of nowhere, really. I was running along and I felt like I was about to come out of my skull. I don't want to grow up to be like my mom so I figure I should do something about the anger that I have. I yelled outloud that I wanted to be cage fighter and a scarred and bald black guy steps out from behind a door. He says "I can't do nothing about the cage but I can make you a fighter." Little did he know at the time I already was, which is part of the problem. Two days later, I was jogging around the gym (not inside the gym mind you...treadmills are for pansies) and there was music blaring from the AMC theatre next door. It was the Rocky theme music since there is yet another Rocky movie coming out this Christmas. So here I am...with a orange hoodie on jogging with Roc...yes, that's his real name. I guess it's meant to be.

Then I strap up. I have to tape up my hands and get laced into some profighting gloves that smell like sweat that obviously doesn't belong to me. Roc stands in front of me with these round red pads with big black dots in the middle of them...looking like a bullseye. He tells me to go for it. I don't know what happened. I powered up and came forward with my right hand and barely missed Roc's already scarred face. He took the pads off, shook his head a little and proceeded to the far corner to get his headgear. He underestimated me. When I told him I was angy I was serious.

"Raschelle, we are going to have to wrap your hands tighter. If not, you are either going to break your hand or break somone's face."

I guess in a weird way that's the plan...to break something. I held the glove to my face and he tapped my glove which in turn hit my own face and I lit up. Double right, left. Weave. My mouthpiece keeps me from compressing through my teeth. I can only breath through my nose and its not enough because I can't stop. I hear him yell "Come on'" and I can't stop. For every person that has played with my emotions, for every person I gave consent to make me feel bad, everytime I got used, everytime I have had to hold back what I wanted to say to somebody, for everytime I was called cute and patted on the head, for the situations I can't do anything about but be a intuitive bystander...they get it...everytime I hit that bag. I fight so hard sometimes I fall to my knees and cry afterwards. Its hard to tell tears from sweat sometimes. They are both hot, salty, and come from a place that's so deep it's almost too personal.

The bad part about this training is now my anger sits even closer to the surface than it ever did. I am ready to fight at the drop of hat. I am actually waiting on a particular person to come along but for everything/everybody else in between....it's just as bad. I feel like a machine. I am not an even match for most, and it's not fair. I get tired but can't even pay any attention to it because all I am thinking about is the fact that I am not done yet.

I picture some mouthy girl/guy saying the wrong thing to me, and it takes three men to hold me back. I am not talking about hair pulling, swinging windmill arm girl fighting. I am talking about the clean kind. There is a punch and a target and that's all. I am fast and what's worse when I am mad I don't say a word. Sounds awfully close to an assassin...some strange sense of moral flexibility. But you know, the best part about a hitman is that you never feel bad for what you do to them.

Smirk.

Story of my life

I'm rich bitch!

So Halloween at Backwoods rocked. I got $300 big ones in the costume contest. Bad shoutouts for all those crowd responses :)

































So going as Gogo turned out to be a very lucrative decision. What can I say....I get by with a little help from my friends.

Halloween Costume 2006

I am going to be a mothafuckin' crazy 88.

Soundtrack to my life

Soundtrack of My Life

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?So, here's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)2. Put it on shuffle 3. Press play4. For every question, type the song that's playing 5. When you go to a new question, press the next button 6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...


Opening Credits:Sugar-Ludacris

Waking Up:Check up on it-Beyonce

First Day At School:Crazy-Gnarls Barkley

Fight Song:Dark Alley Girl-Red Rocket Deluxe

Breaking Up:I am coming over-X

Prom:We're Desperate-X

Getting Back Together:Let me blow your mind-Eve and Gwen Stefani

Wedding:Hold you in my arms-Ray LaMontagne

Birth of Child:I can't do it alone-Chicago Soundtrack

Final Battle:Angel-Aerosmith

Death Scene:Somewhere Out There-American Tale Soundtrack

Funeral Song:Brush Your Shoulders Off- Jay Z

End Credits:Dude looks like a lady-Aerosmith

No Opportunity Wasted

The things I will accomplish before I take a dirt nap.


1. Visit all 50 states.
2. Work in a strip club.
3. Meet Shelia Kelley and be trained as a strip aerobics instructor.
4. Dance in a burlesque show.
5. Ride on the back of a motor cycle.
6. Watch Matthew Nylund jump out of an airplane.
7. Learn how to twirl a set of drumsticks.
8. Take a bartending flare class.
9. Restore a 69 Camaro with my dad.
10.Graduate from Dental Hygiene school (sweet jesus)
11. Sing in a rock and roll band, even if it is only for one song.
12. Go out of the country with a group of friends.
13. Get my Japanese people to the US.
14. Go camping with a group of friends.
15. Go snowboarding.
16. Hold a chimp.
17. Go up in a helicopter.
18. Take my mom to Alaska on a cruise ship.
19. Play one real song from start to finish on piano in front of people (eeekkk!). I might even sing.
20. Get a tattoo.
21. Rent a cabin in the woods with a group of friends (its been a long time coming)
22. See Niagra Falls.
23. Sleep in a tree house.
24. Drive across the country.
25. Meet Oprah.
26. Dance in a cage.
27. Go back to Italy.
28. Go to Ireland.
29. Revisit Japan.
30. Sleep on the beach with my honey....whoever that ends up being.
31. Conquer my childhood fear of firepoles and actually not get stuck on one.
32. Make out in a vintage car with do-op music playing (blush)
33. Witness a real life white Christmas.
34. Go on an adventure with real life ghostbusters.
35. Make cheese.
36. Cast a spell.
37. Go skinny dipping in a place that isn't my back yard pool.


More to come....I will add more as I think of 'em.

I HATE TEETH

You guys. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I decided that I wanted to go back to school for this shit. I am so tired and mentally exhausted I could scream. On top of that, I am working two jobs and trying to make time for a personal life. Sometimes I just wish I could have people hug me all the time because that is how pitiful I feel. Boo.

Also, not that I have time for a boyfriend, but I can't help but be envious of those who have one. I need something to look forward to, damnit. I want to cuddle up in the arms of someone who isn't a fucking idiot. It would be nice if they were hot, but I am not shallow. Cute would do. I am easy to please in that department. That isn't a whole lot to ask.

If I get a wild hair up my ass like I think I might be....I am going to drop out of school and become a stripper. I am half serious. That's the scary part. More on my ideas about stripping later. It's important.

New editions to my life....my sweet black bitch. This is the name I have given to my NEW 5th generation 80 GB IPOD. It's what keeps me sane. When I take a test I get up and dance down the hallways with it just like off the commercials. Sure people stare...but I don't give a DAMN. It beats talking to my fellow classmates about the test I just took. Enough of that...I need to shake my rump. My next investment will be the little mynx dance pole for my house.